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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I hit up the local dairy on Massey Rd. You know, the one with the best pies? Yeah, that one. I grabbed a mean steak and cheese. I was ready to conquer the world. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Jake. He’s like, “Bro, you gotta help me move!” Ugh, moving? Really? But I’m a good mate, so I said, “Fine, I’ll be there in 20.”

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